Older, Younger, Both
by Senka Hitomi
Summary: "I feel older, younger, both/ at once." Of birthdays, aging, and the responsibilities that come with growing older. My contribution to the 2014 ShikaIno birthday celebration.


"I feel older, younger, both/ at once." - Joyce Sutphen, _Older, Younger, Both_

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><p>It was half-past ten.<p>

Shikamaru Nara was not a man who put great stock in being concerned. He liked to think himself a man not easily riled, a still pond with not so much as a ripple on the surface. Needless to say, he did not enjoy disturbances to that state of calm.

But it was half-past ten, and he was beginning to get concerned.

Where _is _she?

Of the friends that had been able to attend, at least half of them were well on their way to being well and truly smashed. About half an hour ago, Kiba had brazenly challenged the room to a drinking contest. When there were no other takers, Tenten had heartily accepted and then, to the shock and awe of everyone in the room – and much to Shikamaru's amusement – proceeded to drink him under the table. Sakura had been tasked with the Herculean task of keeping Lee away from the alcohol, which had resulted in her having a few more drinks than she had really intended. At this point, Naruto and Hinata were about the only ones who were still even remotely sober, and were sitting talking in a corner of the restaurant as Hinata tried to look after her barely-functioning teammate. Shino had disappeared hours ago, citing some excuse that Shikamaru couldn't recall. The mysterious insect master had never been much of a socializer anyway.

And neither was Shikamaru, yet here he sat, practically alone in the midst of a party that was meant to be for him. Well, him and the _real _socializer of their group: a strangely absent Ino Yamanaka.

Shikamaru turned to glance over his shoulder, wishing for at least the fourth time that night that there was someone sitting on the barstool next to him. Choji had never missed his teammate's birthday celebration before today. Unfortunately, the obligation of a mission preceded any frivolities. Really, it had been a wonder that Sakura had been able to round up this many of their friends for any sort of celebration. Things had been busier than ever recently, even with the war well behind them.

"Shikamaru!" By the sound of Lee's voice, someone would have thought it was _his _birthday. Shikamaru turned, acknowledging his greeting with a brief nod.

"On this happiest of days, I would expect you to be bursting with the full expression of your youthful vigor!" Lee took a seat next to him. Judging by the normalcy of his speech pattern – not that much of what Lee said was ever incredibly coherent, but he wasn't slurring – Sakura had apparently been successful in keeping him away from the sake.

Lee gave him a long, pensive look.

"And yet you do not seem to be enjoying yourself. What is wrong, my friend?"

"I—"

He started to speak, but at about that time, the front door of the restaurant burst open. Ino entered the room with an unusual lack of fanfare, not even bothering to announce her presence. Sakura rushed to embrace her friend in an uncharacteristically affectionate gesture.

"Where have you _been_? We were starting to think you weren't coming!" She released Ino, giving her a not-as-light-as-it-should-have-been punch to the arm. Ino rubbed at the spot, shrugging it off.

"Sorry I was late. Didn't mean to make anyone worry." She sauntered up to the bar, smiling at Shikamaru as she approached. The expression didn't reach her eyes. "Hey, _baka._ Happy birthday."

It took Shikamaru a few moments to respond properly. For one thing, he had been slightly preoccupied by the fact that, in addition to being almost two hours late to her own party, his teammate was still dressed in her work uniform. On closer inspection, he realized that she hadn't even worn any makeup.

"Hey. Yeah… uh. Happy birthday to you too."

"Isn't my birthday yet." She countered, leaning across the bar. The bartender, who had seen them for many a birthday celebration, smiled a greeting.

"The usual, Miss Ino?"

"Just water, please." She said politely. Four incredulous expressions greeted her. Sakura, unfiltered by the alcohol, was the first to voice what they were all thinking.

"What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing." Ino managed a smile that might have looked normal to anyone who didn't know her. "I just haven't had much to drink today. Thought I ought to hydrate before I have something stronger."

"Oh." Sakura still looked unconvinced, but she took it no further. Over Ino's shoulder, she glanced at Shikamaru meaningfully.

_Talk to her._

Maybe not as drunk as I thought, Shikamaru mused.

"Long day at work?"

Sakura led Lee off toward the table where Naruto and Hinata were sitting, but she still glanced occasionally back at the two at the bar, monitoring the conversation.

Ino smirked, taking a sip of her water.

"What was it that gave it away?"

_I dunno, maybe that fact that you've never missed a party before in your life, much less one held in your honor. Or perhaps the fact that, in previous years, you've spent _weeks_ before planning your outfit._

_Maybe it's the fact that you look like something sucked the life out of you._

"Hn." He raised an eyebrow at her. "If I didn't know better, I'd say that was a trick question."

A glimmer of the usual Ino broke through, a mischievous grin playing around the corners of her mouth.

"Hmm. Maybe getting older _does _make you wiser after all."

"So what's wrong?"

The smile dropped from her lips. She set the glass down on the bar.

"Or maybe it doesn't."

Shikamaru sighed. "Don't make this more troublesome than it has to be, Ino. You knew damn well that I would notice."

Ino glanced over her shoulder at her friends in the corner. A burst of laughter erupted from the group. Lee was clutching his stomach, tears of mirth rolling down his cheeks, while Hinata tried to suppress a girlish giggle that threatened to escape. She watched it for a long while before she turned back around to meet Shikamaru's gaze.

Her eyes looked dull, like weak light shining through green glass bottles.

"Wanna get out of here?"

* * *

><p>The streets were quiet – not unusual for a weekday night, especially considering how many mission requests they had received recently. The tiniest hint of a chill bit at the air, the first sign of an early fall that would quickly decline into a long and bitter winter.<p>

Shikamaru glanced up at the sky as he walked. A little cloudy tonight, just thin wisps moving over the pinpoints of light above.

"Not the best night for cloud-watching, eh?"

Ino was staring at him in the darkness, a tired half-smile on her face. When he stared back at her, she looked away.

"I forgot your birthday present, you know."

She stuck her hands in her pockets, kicking at the dirt as she walked.

"I found this really nice shogi board. Carved out of marble, you know. Had these nice blue veins that were the exact color of the sky on a clear day. I… uh…" Her voice cracked, and she stopped in the middle of the path. "I guess I just forgot."

Shikamaru knew her voice well enough to realize that it was laced with tears.

"I'm really sorry."

He stopped a few feet in front of her, waiting.

She coughed, a wet sound that was more of an attempt to cover her lapse. He continued to wait.

With Ino, there were two types of crying. The first was the one that most people had seen from her: the hysterical, loud sobbing of someone who was crying for a reason and _wanted _people to see it. The second was more subtle, more silent. They were the kind of tears that she would have denied, the kind that were cried in private. Not for public consumption.

For Shikamaru, these were the kind of tears that frightened him. He had only seen her cry this way on three occasions, if he didn't count the ones she was currently fighting to contain. Once for Asuma. Once for her father. And once, though she didn't know he had seen, for him and Choji, following the failed mission to return Sasuke to the village.

After a moment, she lifted her head. Her eyes still glinted with moisture, but her cheeks were dry.

"Shall we continue?" Her voice was just a pitch too high, her tone a fraction too nonchalant.

He nodded, turning back to the path.

The breeze had picked up, blowing little clouds of dust along the path. They danced along the ground, curling around their feet before spinning off into the grass, sweeping soundless away.

After a moment or two of silence, pale fingers wrapped around the curve of his elbow, nestling in the crook of his arm. Shikamaru said nothing, despite the fact that her hands were ice-cold, just closed the gap between them so that they were walking comfortably side-by-side.

After a few moments, he thought it safe to try to speak again.

"Ino, what's wrong?"

He hadn't truly been expecting an answer, so he was surprised when she responded.

"Do you ever feel much older than you actually are?"

"What kind of troublesome question is that?"

Ino chuckled. Her fingers trembled with the action, fluttering against his skin.

"Sorry. That did sound stupid. I just mean…" She paused for a long time. "Sometimes I don't think I can live like this."

_Ah. Now we're getting to the crux of it._

"Like what?"

"Like I don't know if I even _will _live to the next day. I'm turning twenty tomorrow." She wrinkled her forehead. "Today. I don't know. I don't know what time it is."

She glanced at him, bemused. "Do you?"

He shrugged. "Too—"

"—troublesome, yeah, yeah." She smiled. For the first time that evening, the lines around her eyes folded with the expression. Her fingers squeezed tighter around his arm. "Sorry. Guess I'm getting distracted.

"I got promoted last week."

_That _was news. The normal Ino would have been shouting that from the roof, telling everyone she knew.

"You're the first to know." She added, echoing his thoughts. Sometimes he really did wonder about her troublesome habit of getting into people's heads. It only seemed to be getting more acute as she got older.

She shoved him gently. "You ought to feel special."

"Oh, I do." He deadpanned. For a second, he expected her to punch him like she normally did.

The response didn't even seem to faze her.

"I got promoted. I'm turning twenty. And they've been talking about naming me the new head of the clan since…" She swallowed hard. "Since dad."

"That's…" Shikamaru let out a breath that was more an expression of surprise than anything. Not that Ino wasn't fully capable, but… "Wow. Umm…"

"You don't have to congratulate me." She shrugged. "I'm not sure it even warrants congratulations. It all still seems like some kind of weird fever dream."

"And you're worried about the responsibility?"

"No." She looked perplexed. "Well, yes. But not that. That's… that's not it. Shika… how long do I have?"

"How long do…" he stopped in the middle of the path, giving her a look of pure confusion. "What in the hell are you talking about?"

"I mean, how long until I end up like Asuma? Like my dad, like your dad, like…" She shook her head, releasing her hold on his arm. "I can't keep being some silly, frivolous girl, acting like there's nothing bigger going on in the world than shopping and chasing after boys who will _never _want me. And now that I'm realizing that, I know that I'm staring down a life expectancy of… what? Another ten, fifteen years?" She laughed humorlessly. "Twenty may be well past halfway for us."

Shikamaru felt heat rising to his cheeks, and it made him uncomfortable. This was nothing to get worked up about. Shikamaru Nara didn't _get _worked up. He was calm, he didn't—

"But we won! You saw what Naruto did, you know the result! You—"

"And you think that will last?" Ino whirled on him, exposing her pale face fully to the moonlight. There were large dark circles under her eyes. "Shikamaru Nara, you are the smartest man I know. I want you to look me in the face this instant and tell me that will last. That we won't ever see war again, that some selfish, greedy, corrupt individual won't emerge again to do the very same thing in ten, fifteen, twenty years!" She stepped forward, so that they were looking eye-to-eye. "You tell me that."

"I…" He faltered, struggling to keep his gaze locked on hers. All it would take was just one guarantee of certainty, one admission of the thing that, in his heart of hearts, he wanted to believe was true. It shouldn't be so complicated, should it? He ought to be able… but…

After a few moments, he gave in.

"I can't tell you that."

She sighed, and the tension bled out of her.

"I know you can't." Her voice was subdued, strained. "And that's what worries me."

She turned away from him and walked a few steps down the road.

"It ought to be your birthday by now." He said lamely.

"Happy birthday to me." She responded quietly.

"And they're going to name you head of the clan." He said.

She turned back, looking at him seriously.

"That's what they've been saying."

"You're ready." He answered her unspoken question.

"You think so?" She took an uncertain step back toward him. "Because I don't."

He snorted. "Please? Troublesome woman like you? You'll have them all whipped into shape in no time."

She took another step, this one more certain. "What's _that _supposed to mean, _baka_?"

He shrugged, rubbing at the back of his neck in exasperation. "Just what I said, troublesome woman. If you could whip our lazy asses into shape, you'll have no trouble with them."

"Damn right I won't!" A hint of her old vigor had crept back into her voice, like a child peeking around a door frame. She stopped in front of him, swaying slightly.

"And if I can't?"

Shikamaru smirked.

"You'll still have us to boss around, won't you?"

He ought to have been expecting it, but it came as a surprise. She launched herself at him with the full force of her strength, hugging him so tightly that it nearly knocked the breath out of him. He chuckled quietly, wrapping an arm around her.

"Troublesome."

"Happy birthday, _baka._"

"Isn't my birthday anymore." He couldn't keep the smile from creeping into his tone.

She slapped his arm gently, but didn't let go of him.

"Whatever."

Absentmindedly, he threaded his fingers through her hair. The golden strands were cool to the touch.

"Happy birthday, Ino."

After a long moment, she extracted herself from his arms.

"I'm still not sure, you know."

He shrugged.

"Neither am I. I don't think any of us can ever afford to be truly certain."

"No." She nodded. Then she smiled up at him. "But I guess I should be thankful for what I have now, right?"

Shikamaru snorted.

"Don't get all mushy on me now."

"Too late." Steadying a hand on his shoulder, Ino leaned forward and kissed his cheek, lightly, just once. "Have to say, there's no one I'd rather almost share a birthday with."

He raised an eyebrow.

"Guess there could be more troublesome people."

She gave an overly dramatic sigh and stomped a few paces down the road. She stood with her arms crossed for a few seconds before she looked at him over her shoulder. A grin lit her whole face, her eyes glowing like beads of jade in the moonlight.

"I still have a birthday to celebrate, you know. You coming or not?"

Shikamaru Nara liked to think himself a man not easily riled, a still pond with not so much as a ripple on the surface.

But, he thought as his heart pounded at the sight of that _troublesome _smile, even the most reasonable of men made exceptions.

* * *

><p><em>AN: So I'm the worst ShikaIno shipper on the face of the planet, because I almost missed their birthdays. (And I've been writing for this pairing for_ how _many years now?) Actually, where I'm at, it's no longer the 23rd, but we're going to ignore that and go by my usual timezone, where it _is. _'Kay? Kay._

_Apologies if this isn't up to my usual standards. I'm just having a bit of trouble getting my thoughts in order. Hopefully it wasn't terrible. As usual, r__eviews are loved. _

_Epigraph (and title) comes from one of my favorite poems, which you should read if you get the chance._

__Anywho. Happy ShikaIno days, guys.__


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